Be strong!!!!

Feels so glad to make another entry this morning. Well, i didn't sleep throughout the whole night yesterday; made myself so busy making the previous entry.BUT, i still feel it's worthwhile to spend my night in such way. ( of course i'm not manic!!)

Every day is a new day; a new chapter of life. Keep the yesterday's story away, and make a new move today.. THINK POSITIVE!!!( that's what i always tell myself everyday)

"LET BYGONE BE BYGONE"

"YESTERDAY WAS THE PAST, TODAY IS PRESENT, AND TOMORROW WILL BE THE FUTURE"

DEAR ME :

" Perjalanan kehidupan
Di kiri kanan dugaan Cabaran
Keseorangan menempuh ujian
Meneruskan perjuangan

Takdir Maha Esa
Restu ayah bonda
Mencapai cita-cita
Usah putus asa
Kelak kau berjaya
Membela nasibmu
Masa mu kan tiba

Keimanan keyakinan
Sinar cahaya penunjuk haluan
Walaupun payah kau harus tabah
Demi mencapai segala impian

Jika satu ketika
Langkah tidak terdaya
Berkat doa usaha
Tuhan Maha Esa

Mencapai cita-cita"

Our past will be our 'experience teacher'. Therefore, sometimes looking back to our past is not that bad after all. From there, try to not repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

Yes, my recent - "SERIAL LIFE EVENTS" make me feels up to the point where i cannot stand anymore.It hits me from one to another to another with non stop and i'm barely not able to breath... (sounds like a terrible events happened right?..but it did happened anyway.nobody really knew except ALLAH SWT)

Now? i want to stand strong!!! rebuilding my spirit!!! climbing back the steps even how hard it is..with the hope, i will reach it!!..and i know ALLAH SWT will always be with me...(",)..ALLAH SWT knows the best for me!!!

Allah tidak memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya. Ia mendapat pahala kebaikan yang diusahakannya, dan ia juga menanggung dosa kejahatan yang diusahakannya. (Mereka berdoa dengan berkata): "Wahai Tuhan kami! Janganlah Engkau mengirakan kami salah jika kami lupa atau kami tersalah. Wahai Tuhan kami ! Janganlah Engkau bebankan kepada kami bebanan yang berat sebagaimana yang telah Engkau bebankan kepada orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada kami. Wahai Tuhan kami! Janganlah Engkau pikulkan kepada kami apa yang kami tidak terdaya memikulnya. Dan maafkanlah kesalahan kami, serta ampunkanlah dosa kami, dan berilah rahmat kepada kami. Engkaulah Penolong kami; oleh itu, tolonglah kami untuk mencapai kemenangan terhadap kaum-kaum yang kafir".

(SURAH AL-BAQARAH; 286)

On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

TILL THE NEXT ENTRY..(",)..ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.

Another chapter of my life.....

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Alhamdulilah..Alhamdulilah..Alhamdulilah..

Praise be to ALLAH swt for His blessings throughout day and night without stop.

It takes quite so long for me to make this new entry.Yeah.new entry.new post.with new spirit.and perhaps A NEW OF ME!! So in this new entry, it will be a little bit longer than usual; trying to express my emotion as the way it is...the story of my life..another chapter of my life....and it started with :

Few months back whereby i was ‘dissapeared’ from the rest; including my friends, even with my family. So many things happened in between making myself feel-

...I NEED TO BE ALONE.ALONE IN MY OWN WORLD WITHOUT SOMEBODY.IT WAS TOTALLY DARK AS THE END OF EVERYTHING.MY DOOM DAY POSSIBLE?? FEW LIFE EVENTS MADE ME SO DEPRESSED AND I FELT LIKE NOWHERE I COULD GO....AND I NEED HELP...I TRIED TO GASP SOME NEW AIR, BUT THE LATER EVENT DUMPED

ME EVEN FAR INTO I DIDN’T NOWHERE...I WAS SCARED..I WAS FRIGHTENED..I CRIED EVERY DAY AND NIGHT...BUT SEEMED NO HELP FOR ME...

In the meantime, most of them kept asking me since then...

"where have you been?"

" you delete your facebook? why?"

" what happens to you actually?”

“you don’t want to be friend with us anymore??”

“bla bla bla bla”

...and so many other questions with ‘big mark’ at the end. I chose to keep “silent” as possible, and try to figure out how to answer. But, my mouth seemed shutted up with no clues as my mind kept thinking of what to say.......(SPEECHLESS is the word)

One wise man says:

“Experience is the best teacher”

Yes indeed! Experience makes us more mature, more thoughtful, and so on. To get that experience, we need to face so-called ‘PROBLEMS’...the more problemSSSS you have, the more experienceSSSS you’ll get at the end. PROBLEMS and life can never ever be separated. Nobody whom being so successful never experience a hard time with problems (rationalization is it?, but it is the TRUTH!)...

it will be a big problem if you success without any problem...kinda akward i suppose since every success has its own price..the bigger PROBLEMS you have, then the BIGGER SUCCESS it will be..

Another wise man says :

“Berakit-rakit ke hulu,

Berenang-renang ke tepian,

Bersusah-susah dahulu,

Bersenang-senang kemudian”

Born in Malay culture and Islam as my belief made me felt so grateful (no offense to others). My parents had taught me very well especially in what i would becoming. Living in modesty without any lacking or extras in life trully had leaded myself to be hardworking in everything i did. No matter what it was, if you wanted something, you had to go for it...catch it..grab it...and work for it... Usually, i would try very hard to gain the rewards; as in my UPSR, PMR as wellas with SPM..and it was totally worthies indeed. You felt the sweetest of your own hardwork!!!...there

i got formula of hardworking= success....

Despite being so hardworking, my parents also prepared myself with religious basis; ALHAMDULILAH (praise be to ALLAH SWT)..that would the exact word i should express everyday..every seconds in my life..My abah sent me to ABIM; an extra class for religious study whereby i learnt the meaning of LIFE...my childhood was so colourful, and i enjoyed it in every seconds. ALHAMDULILAH...thanks to my parents and may ALLAH SWT grant you the best rewards as it is later in Akhirat (after life).I love both of you with all my heart..and with that, i got another formula of success

WORK HARD + PRAYER+BLESSING FROM PARENTS= SUCCESS

Life is full with “stories”; in which there will be the time for you to be at the peak of something, and vice versa..Recalling back to my life ‘story’, my previous days had been hard..there were lots of unexpected things that totally i couldn’t control,

and now i realised that it was what i had been taught before....

RUKUN IMAN KE-ENAM : BERIMAN KEPADA QADA’ DAN QADAR...

Realising those days, i was still immature and innocence about life; and during that time all i know was i needed to memorize it as part of the study. As the time went by, growing older and older, these basic things of Islam STILL FIXED in my heart and for sure there would be time for me to really understand the meaning of it. Again. ALHAMDULILAH..Then it came with maturity. People said once you matured, you would become the true ‘man’..the principle behind it was : MIND..When you reach your own maturity state, you would use your mind in everythings that you going to do, regardless of whatever it was. You would tend to think so deeply and questioning in each steps why these things happened..

Just to share a little piece of my life in previous days, before these recent life events, i did go through a phase of miserable and i was immature to really know the

true reason behind it on that time. Watching my best friends went to boarded school while me myself still stuck in an ordinary school after UPSR even though i was eligible enough like them, had thrown me to a phase of sorrowfulness that i only could describe it. It was totally hard time for me, resulting in with BAD exam results during my form 1 and form 2..felt like a loser and there's no use to study anymore.

ALLAH SWT knows the best!!... I prayed very hard so that that i would be able to enter a boarded school as well one day...Alhamdulilah, ALLAH SWT granted my prayer; as i built back my spirit during my form 3, and there you go..i was chosen to enter a boarded school for my form 4 and form 5...since then, i prayed again and again for the next success and with His blessings, i entered medical school and try to learn to be a doctor; as what i aimed since i was in primary school..and again...Alhamdulilah..here i am.

Back to main story, experience also make someone become more mature! Honestly, the time of my “ disappearance” was actually the time for me to be a really MATURE person and getting to know myself more than before. Those isolation period basically had leaded me to think really deeply........

.....and by the time i felt so ‘nothing’ and i didn’t know where to go..suddenly...

“InsyaALLAH..

InsyaALLAH

InsyaALLAH

you’ll find the way”.........

A song sang by Maher zain strucked into my mind repeatedly!!! Again and again..and i downloaded the song!!!...I cried badly like a child losing his mom non stop..cried cried cried and lying alone on my bed...once the song downloaded i kept playing it repeatedly until i didn’t know how many times....until i fall asleep...with the song PLAYED over and over again...again and again.....

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

MAHER ZAIN : INSYAALLAH

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on

You feel so lost

That your so alone

All you is see is night

And darkness all around

You feel so helpless

You can`t see which way to go

Don`t despair and never loose hope

Cause Allah is always by your side

Insya Allah 2x

Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Everytime you can make one more mistake

You feel you can`t repent

And that its way too late

Your`re so confused,wrong decisions you have made

Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame

Don`t despair and never loose hope

Cause Allah is always by your side

Insya Allah 2x

Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Insya Allah 2x

Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Turn to Allah

He`s never far away

Put your trust in Him

Raise your hands and pray

OOO Ya Allah

Guide my steps don`t let me go astray

You`re the only one that showed me the way,

Showed me the way 2

Insya Allah 2x

Insya Allah we`ll find the way

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
....and i woke up..and the song still played..i felt so calmed and....there's no exact words to describe it actually....serenity.....peace....and so forth...
What made me cried badly again was when i looked back into the lyrics..it was meant for me!!!

Again..ALHAMDULILAH..ALHAMDULILAH..ALHAMDULILAH...

..and with ALLAH blessing, those were the time for me to realize so many things................................................

The purpose of life.why all those PROBLEMS

suddenly haunted myself endlessly without mercy..and also the time for me to renewing myself..learning on what it is all about...so what it is? I believe this is the “hidayah”

( the true way) that ALLAH SWT the most merciful has given to me..ALHAMDULILAH..ALHAMDULILAH..ALHAMDULILAH..

Admitting myself as a human being whom never skip to make mistakes..i did a lot of mistakes..yes i did..a lot...and like one of my friend says :

“ this might be your turning point”

Yes!.I want to change.Become a better person.Turning point is the word!!!
From the bottom of nowhere, i try very very very hard (even now) to climb back to the peak..the true peak of this LIFE truly meant for..May ALLAH keep myself at this path till the end..end before to go back to the Creator- ALLAH SWT...

RUKUN IMAN KE-ENAM : BERIMAN KEPADA QADA’ DAN QADAR...

Alhamdulilah...this my childhood memories has come to the real answer...believing that ALLAH SWT is the one and only whom destined the path of every each of His creation....Believe is not just from the word spoken that come from our mouth, but it comes from our heart..

And now..my life feel more blessed and perhaps more targeted!!..Perhaps, this is another chapter of my life that has been written for me since before it is in order to make me a better doctor and successful human as it is...

to be success not only in this mortal world, but also in the after life.Amin....................

Ahmad Fairol, 3.15 am..(“,)

Is it true??? @_@

PENEMUAN "MOLE PEOPLE"


Weekly World News telah mendedahkan tentang penemuan

mengejutkan mengenai satu kaum primitif yang di panggil

Mole People hidup 20 batu di bawah tanah, menggunakan

terowong rahsia untuk memasuki United States!


Penemuan ini telah dibuat bukan oleh ahli kaji purba,tetapi

oleh saintis NASA yang menggali jauh ke dalam Bumi -

dan mereka cuba menyembunyikan kewujudan kaumini

dari pengetahuan awam. Seorang pekerja NASA yang tidak mahu dikenali telah

mendedahkan gambar-gambar eksklusif and informasi

mengenai kaum 'orang gua' ini. "Cerita ini

harusdiberitahu," kata sumber itu. "Ia terlalu besar untuk

disorok".Sumber itu telah mendedahkan beberapa rahsia

besar mengenai Mole People. "Nampaknya mereka seperti

kaum yang peramah", beliau berkata, "Tetapi mereka amat

primitif. Kami cuba berkomunikasi dengan mereka, tetapi ia

satu kerja yang susah memandangkan mereka tidak tahu

bahasa English".

Mole People, sebagaimana yang kami panggil, mempunyai

laluan senang untuk ke muka Bumi (surface world)", kata sumber itu. "Dengan demikian, President Bush me

ngendalikan situasi ini dengan penuh berhati-hati. Tersilap langkah boleh mengakibatkan makhluk ini

mengisytiharkan perang dengan manusia di atas. Kami

tidak pasti berapa jumlah mereka ini. kami baru melihat

satu bandar setakat ini, dengan anggaran 2000 orang Mole

tinggai di situ.
"Tetapi ada pihak yang menyatakan bahawa mungkin

berjuta-juta orang Mole tinggal merata- rata di dalam

bandar-bandar bawah tanah, berselerak di bawah muka

Bumi". Makhluk itu mempunyai beberapa persamaan dengan

manusia - dan juga sedikit perbezaan.Ciri-ciri tersebut

ialah;
1.Seperti manusia biasa,mereka berjalan dengan dua kaki.
2.Mereka jauh lebih tinggi dari manusia biasa - setinggi 8

ke 10 kaki tinggi.
3.Jari-jari mereka seperti kuku binatang.
4.Tangan mereka juga seperti kaki itik (webbed), direka

untuk menggali, bukan seperti kuku mole.
5.Kulit mereka tebal dan sangat kuat untuk menahan panas

melampau di bawah tanah.
6.Bahasa perantaraan mereka hampir sama dengan dialek

Navajo Lama.
7.Mereka mempunyai sistem otot yang besar dan

kuat.membuatkan mereka mampu bertindak ganas
Apabila salah seorang ahli ekspedisi itu menyalakan rokok,

kaum Mole menganggap itu sebagai satu ancaman dan

terus menyerang beliau".
Mereka mencakar dan menyerang beliau seperti kucing

hutan, hampir menjatuhkan beliau bersama rokoknya.

Beliau amat bertuah selamat dan hidup dari insiden itu". Kaum Mole amat berminat dengan dunia atas muka Bumi -

pakaian, alat-alatan dan makanan terutamanya. Mereka

amat meminati buah-buahan segar. Saya belikan mereka sedikit anggur, dan mereka terus

berpesta dan bersukaria, mengikut kata sumber. "Amat

jelas mereka tidak boleh menanam buah- buahan mereka

sendiri memandangkan mereka tinggal 20 batu di bawah

muka Bumi". NASA amat berminat untuk mengkaji kaum

Mole. "Kami mahu tahu segala-galanya mengenai mereka -

apa yang mereka makan, bagaimana mereka tinggal dan

yang paling mustahak, apakah perhubungan mereka

dengan kaum manusia.
Kami tertanya-tanya jikalau mereka itu ada kaitan dengan

manusia di dalam aspek-aspek yang tertentu. Adakah

mereka adalah nenek moyang manusia moden hari ini

secara genetiknya ?" Pakar berkata terdapat spekulasi yang pelbagai mengenai

kaum Mole. "Mereka boleh jadi apa saja, dari Yetis

(BigFoot), makhluk asing dari angkasa atau saki baki orang

yang terselamat dari bandar Atlantis Yang Hilang. Pakar

juga berkata penemuan ini telah menimbulkan beberapa

persoalan yang serius,
1.Adakah makhluk itu musuh dan suka berperang ataupon
peramah dan sanggup bekerjasama?
2.Adakah mereka akan meminta wilayah mereka sendiri di

muka Bumi? Dan bagaimana dengan minyak dan simpanan

mineral di bawah Bumi?
3.Siapa yang memiliki mereka: kaum Mole atau kita?
4.Bagaimanakah dengan NASA dimana misi asalnya adalah

untuk meneroka ruang angkasa - telah menjumpai kaum

yang hidup di bawah muka Bumi? Jurucakap NASA tidak menafikan mahupun mengiyakan

laporan itu. Setelah menerima tekanan hebat dari

wartawan, jurucakap White House menjanjikan informasi

yang dibenarkan oleh White House untuk disebarkan.

Tetapi beliau telah memberi amaran "mungkin tidak untuk

jangkamasa yang terdekat". Menurut sumber itu, NASA menjumpai kaum bawah tanah

itu dalam bulan Ogos tahun lepas ketika sedang

menjalankan projek rahsia yang di beri nama Operation

Mole Hole - satu inisiatif dimana wartawan sekarang

percaya ia mungkin untuk mengintip China, menggunakan "
teknologi bawah tanah". Setakat ini NASA telah menjumpai pintu laluan rahsia ke

dunia bawah tanah di kawasan sekitar Washington State's

Mount Shasta, gua Mammoth di Kentucky dan juga

gua-gua yang berselerak sekitar barat daya U.S mengikut

kata sumber. Berkurun lamanya manusia telah bercerita tentang

kewujudan makhluk di bawah muka Bumi.Sekarang, buat

pertama kalinya, spekulasi itu telah dibuktikan

kesahihannya. Tetapi samada makhluk-makhluk ini kawan ataupun lawan

masih tidak diketahui

insomnia????or changing my biological clock???

Hurmmm...i'd this sleep problem for the past few days..
ermm...
was it INSOMNIA???
Or
SO-CALLED DISTURBED BIOLOGICAL CLOCK??
So what is
INSOMNIA?? :
"symptom which can accompany several sleep, medical and psychiatric disorders, characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep and/or difficulty staying asleep"

Well, that would be what from medical prospective..a symptom..might indicate that you're under some kinda pressure which leaded you to have difficulty to sleep..
To be frank, i was not really stress with my research stuff..but, hurm..i didn't know..maybe it was my denial state in which i didn't accept that the fact i was under stress..Was i in stress???..another big question mark there..haha
OR
it was something to be related with my so-called biological clock..hurm..some people said it wasn't true..it was you..hurm...
as a STUDENT...time was so precious..and perhaps, i believed most of the STUDENTS would agree that they didn't have enough sleep, therefore sleep deprivation was so common among students..yet, it included me as well.
Sleep was like bonus, and we would love for not to waking up from sleep because it was tooooooo..???..yeah..I LOVE SLEEP..
I would spend most of my time during my holidays to sleep..haha..so bad!!!
hurm..
ok, i need to stop here...time is already 0140 am (at my place)...arghhh... i really need to sleep..i have discussion at 0900 am tomorrow..hurmm..
OR

can somebody sing a song for me until me fall asleep???..haha..i wish i have..(^_^)

kueh sera sera..

"kueh sera sera...whatever will be will be..the future is not ours to see..kueh sera sera.."

hahaha..what a sweet memory..suddenly this song popped out from my head..lalalala.
During this time, i was still in primary school, and i joined this so-called -'action song' competition, and it's similar with musical drama..i dance and i sang the song...hahaha..what a memory...
and yes, my group won 3 times in a row..school+zone+district...unfortunately, we didn't manage to represent our school to the next level which was state level as the reason there's no such competition..well, for me, it's already enough..i won..i went to other place...represented my school..that's cool already..mmm..
la la la la..hmmm...the song somehow made me to think;
"our future is not ours to see"
hmm....was it true?.
it might be true and it might be not...
yes, sometimes we won't get whatever the things that we'd planned, and that's what we called as no luck..
BUT...we could create our future....it's only whether it would happen or not, and let the God did the rest...what could we did were : WORKING HARD+ PRAYER +TAWAKKAL..

hmmm.....

"kueh sera sera. whatever will be will be the future is not ours to see kuah sera sera.."

~final year..what to expect?~

I'm officially started my days of as a final year medical student on last Monday. Oh well, it seems like my holidays mood still stuck somewhere in my head..blur blur blur...haha. Frankly, i feel numb on what to expect when i enter my final year. Within one year afterwards, insyaALLAH i'll become one of the house officer or in other word a doctor. How well prepare i am?; perhaps i'm still working on it. Time flies so fast, and now here i am. No matter how fast it goes, i am still who i am. Known to be a happy go lucky person and loves to make friends and hang out.
Last night, i had this chit chat with my old friend; to be sure i'd lost contact for almost 7 years.

Last time we met was after my PMR, then we move on with our different path. We did chat a lot; almost all night long with all sort of life experiences and what our future would be. For me, everyone had their own destiny on what they were becoming; for instance me myself. I never thought to become a real doctor one day, but it would happen soon. Most of people would give good compliment and gave high expectations on me :

"hey, tahniah!! da nak jadi doc"
"wow, makin ramai membe aq jadi doc, ni best ni"
"waa..baguih la..ada anak jadi doktor.,.senang la hidup"
and so on..
Me?..i am still me, and i never put my position to be the things to be proud off. For me, everyone and anybody in this world had their own purpose of living; and I??..I had to accept that God had chosen me to be this way eventhough I could become somebody else. So, if you were about to become a teacher or engineer or whatever it was; "YOU ARE OF WHAT YOU ARE". Every jobs were noble job and you were about to rock your own world in your own way!!!..
Ok, let's move on with my final year stuff...erm, throughout this year, i will be posted to 6

different postings ( 1 non clincal; 5 clinical ). For the non clinical part, i already started, whereby i need to do some research and it's kinda thesis. For your all information, this research posting or SSM a.k.a Special Study Module is still new in my university and we are 2nd batch who need to do it. This non clinical posting will last for 7 weeks, and at the end of it we need to present it in our own SSM Conference, whereby each one the group will be assessed accordingly. If my group is happen to be lucky one to won the prize, so maybe my group will join to participate in an

international conference; and for this year the venue is BRUNEI..Guys!!! pray for me okay!!!

After wangling and dangling with this research, i will attend my 3rd PPD camp for a week. Not sure the excitement that will i have there, but the place for this time is at Kuala Lipis Pahang=perhaps in a "jungle-like" is where it may be..^^
Then, once i come back from the camp, i will be divided into groups and that is when my clinical posting will be started. For final year, there are 5 clinical posting; Internal Medicine, Obstectrics and Gynaecology, Paediatrics, Surgery, Famlily Medicine, and also Emergency and traumatology. Sounds like a bit excited, and i hope so...really hope so..and again, ONG comes into my life..blerghh...
To enlighten my feeling towards all of this stuff, for this time we will be posted to several places and not just here in PPUKM..Some will go to Hospital Teluk Intan,Klinik Kesihtan, Semenyih, Hospital Kuala Lumpur, and a few other places..
So, am i ready?...hahaha..wish me the best okay!!!..

"

Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone